Why do dentists always have

big hands? You would think small hands would be a job requirement.

I bought some bee killer

the other day to spray down a hornet's nest in the front yard. I used two cans of it and completely hosed the nest until it was dripping with poison. Then got a lighter and tried to light it on fire, like everyone does to ensure that all the bees were dead and it wouldn't light!! I kept trying but it was no use. Then I read the can and it turns out it is a water based bee killer. How is it supposed to work if you can't light it on fire? Yeah it is safer but what s the fun in that?

Today I discovered that squirt

bottles work equally well on humans as they do on dogs. I'm going to go out and buy a bunch so I always have them on hand.

People would probably look

funny if they didn't have ears.

You know it is going to be a

rough Monday when the coffee maker explodes and 10 cups of coffee and grounds go all over the table. It didn't help that the table had tons of stuff stacked on it either. Definitely not cool.  

Today I realized there is

a turd in Saturday. I'm very proud of myself.

Have you ever heard someone

say "I'm blowing up" when their cell phone rings? I can't figure out why they say that. It might be more interesting if something did blow up. As long as it didn't hurt anyone.